


Trying Interrogation

by VampirePaladin



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Deadpool (2016)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crossover, Gen, Interrogation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 11:58:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12232374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampirePaladin/pseuds/VampirePaladin
Summary: A man in red was caught after he broke into a detention facility for super-powered criminals.  Phil is the "lucky" person to interrogate him.





	Trying Interrogation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mm8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mm8/gifts).



A middle aged man in a suit with a generally pleasant demeanor entered the interrogation room. Under one arm he held a manila folder, stamped with the S.H.I.E.L.D. emblem. He was completely calm and collected, friendly even, as he shut the door behind him and moved to the empty chair in front of the table. On the opposite side of the table sat a man in red and black, handcuffed to the sturdy metal chair that was bolted to the floor and, until recently, armed with a pair of swords and guns.

“I have to say that these are some quality restraints. You don’t skimp a penny of government/Disney money, do you?” the man in red said.

The other man, now comfortably seated, set the folder in front of him. He opened it up to reveal security footage of the man in red prancing through a holding facility as he looked through the cells, before not finding who he was looking for, and skipping on to the next cell, leaving the doors wide open, letting out untold numbers of dangerous individuals.

“What is your name?” asked the man in the suit. 

“Ryan Reynolds,” said the man in red.

“Ryan Reynolds? As in the actor. Nice try, but your fingerprints don’t match his. We’ve already run yours through the database and you don’t match anyone living or dead,” said the man in the suit.

“No, I’m not the actor. Do you think if I was the sexy, but talentless, Ryan Reynolds that I’d be here. Besides, it’s not nice to ask a girl her name without giving yours.” The man in red was completely relaxed in his body language as he spoke to the man in the suit. It was clear that he held no fear or concern for the situation that he was in.

“Phil. Now, will you tell me your name?”

“Hal Jordan.”

Phil looked at the man in red. “So now you are telling me that you are a comic book character?”

“Well, I AM a comic book character, but I’m also a movie and video game character.”

Phil shuffled his papers. “Do you have a codename?” He began to try a different tactic.

“Oh, yes, I do. My codename is Deadpool.”

“Deadpool?”

“Well, I considered Captain Deadpool but I just wasn’t feeling it. Do you know where you do the death stroke? In the Dead Pool?” It was clear that meta humor on the origins of Deadpool were completely lost on Phil.

Phil decided that for the moment, he’d accept Deadpool as at least some sort of name for the man in red. “So tell me, Deadpool, are you an Inhuman? Or did you get your powers somewhere else?”

“Nope, I’m a mutant. It’s okay. I see that look on your face. You don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s alright. I don’t blame you. Maybe it’s for the better this way when Mommy and Daddy are fighting.”

“What were you doing at the containment facility?”

“I was looking for Cable,” Deadpool answered. For once it sounded like an honest answer, but what he actually said made no sense to Phil.

“No, we use satellite here,” Phil said.

“Haha, funny. No, I’m looking for a person named Cable,” Deadpool clarified.

“And is this Cable person like you?”

“Mutant: yes. Wit, personality, sexual magnetism: no.”

“And you thought this Cable would be in our holding facility because…?”

“Well, your timeline has been a bit confusing since Spider-Man: Homecoming came out. Not that I’m criticizing, our timeline is a bit more confusing than yours. I still don't know which Professor X I'm going to run into and don't get me started on Angel or Psylocke. Anyays, I thought Avengers: Infinity War was already out and you might have beaten Thanos and would have him locked up so you wouldn’t need him for a while. Since, you know, Thanos and Cable are both played by Josh Brolin I thought, same difference and I was thinking that the two of us could start spitballing for Deadpool 3.”

“Who is Thanos?”

Deadpool gasped and somehow conveyed a look of mock horror through his mask. “Phil, I’m disappointed in you. Didn’t you stay for the post credits scene in The Avengers? Just because you were killed is no excuse, besides you got undeaded so you really should have at least seen it on the DVD or Blu-Ray.”

The more time Phil spent interrogating Deadpool the less sense that he made. He was just glad that he had people monitoring and recording this outside of the room. Right now, Phil wished he was outside with them.

“Let’s move on to a different topic-“

An explosion rocked the interrogation room, throwing Phil to the ground where he was pinned by a chunk of wall. A hole had been blasted in the wall close to where Phil had been sitting. As the dust cleared a broad shouldered man with a large gun and a metal arm was revealed. He had a bag slung over one shoulder. All Phil could think of was to wonder if he and the Winter Soldier knew each other or if metal arms were just a thing now.

“Cable, you came for me! You really do love me,” Deadpool said.

“Shut it, Wade,” Cable said. He took aim at the handcuffs and shot them off of Wade.

“Wow, that was a great shot, but you know you could have hit me.”

“You’d heal,” Cable said.

“Well,” Deadpool said as he got out of his chair with a bounce, “it’s been fun, Phil. Your world is cool and all, but I think it’s time for me to get back to my own. I’d love to hang with Captain America and Spider-Man, but I’m the lynchpin that holds the X-Men together. They’d be lost without me.”

Cable snorted at Deadpool’s description of himself and his importance to the X-Men.

“Oh, I’m not saying you aren’t important, Cable. I’m just saying that I’m the most important since they killed off Wolverine.”

Cable tossed the bag that he's been carrying over to Deadpool. “Just gear up already.”

“Ah,” Deadpool said as he pulled his swords out of the bag, resheathed them, then grabbed his guns, “I missed all my little babies.” Deadpool skipped over to Cable. “Do you think that we could stop by New York City on our way back?”

“Why New York?” Cable asked. The look he gave Deadpool was full of suspicion. 

“I was just thinking that on our way home we could pick up Spider-Man and maybe Daredevil too while we’re in the area. We should take this opportunity to have as many fun intercompany crossovers as we can. I mean, at least until Gal Gadot decides she wants to go Marvel.”

“I never should have agreed to watch Wonder Woman with you.”

The sounds of heavy booted feet approaching at a run could be heard.

“Well, time to fight out way out and back to our own world in time for Deadpool 2, coming June 1, 2018 at a theater near you.”


End file.
